Are you getting an adequate amount of sleep these
days? If not, then what is the reason behind this. Have you ever given a
thought to it? Recently I was asked this great although very common question. I
was completely puzzled out. I went blank. How strange is this? Isn’t it? A
simple and common question like this left me pondering over many things which I
have never thought about or you can say I never considered it important to
think about.
What keeps me
awake at night?
To find the answer
to this question I started making an endless list in my mind. What can be the
reason which is not letting myself have peaceful sleep at night? Many thoughts
started popping into my head. I even googled to check what are the things which
can keep a student like me awake at night. I found many articles but one was
clashing with the other. So, I ended up with this list.
·
Stress
– Yes this could be one such reason which I might take to bed with me. Study
looms large in people’s minds, and I am not Einstein to not get affected by it.
Stress-related to studies, job, career, parent’s and society’s expectations all
these thoughts suddenly started crashing into my head. And then I realized that
this could be the potential reason.
·
Insomnia
– This might be the problem that maybe I am a born insomniac. Tossing and
turning on the bed, failing to fall asleep. This can also be a problem.
·
Racing
Thoughts – One can have control over his/her feelings but one can’t control his
thoughts. It is said that you can stop someone from coming after you but how
can you stop someone from thinking about you. I am the kind of person who loves
being lost in her imagination. You can call me a mess of chaos. Sometimes I
keep trying to make them stop, but nothing works. It is very hard for me to
control my thoughts.
·
Depression
– Maybe I am suffering from depression. If you sometimes start crying without
any reason, then what will you call it. What will you call it when you don’t
even know the reason why you are crying? I seem to cry more often when I try
sleeping. But even at other times of the day when I am not crying, I often feel
sad about something. And the worst part is that I don’t know the reason, or
maybe I know but just don’t want to accept it.
I started thinking about what else could be the reason
which is keeping me awake at night. Then it came to me, that I should think
about that one time when I slept peacefully without any thought racing around
in my mind. Suddenly something hit me strikingly from within. Everything went
doomed. All of the list which I have made up in my mind disappeared and only
thoughts started lingering in my mind. I started feeling chills without fever.
Tears started shedding from my eyes and I felt the same pain that I have been
trying to hide vigorously for the past many years.
What happens to a dream deferred? For me, it just
explodes. He was my dream. His picture radiated happiness for me. He is the one
whom I cannot have. You might not believe in one true love, but I do. For me,
he is the only one. Even after he left me alone, he will forever be the one. I
often used to think about people who used to get move on quickly. Even my
friends suggested me the same but I failed and I failed terribly. Call me a
loser if you want but for me, you can fall in love many a time but with just
that one person whom you consider your eternal love.
His memory was a pounding headache or a stiff back
which is the reason why I have sleepless nights. Not being able to sleep is
perhaps a common occurrence after a breakup. I guess it has affected me badly.
Mostly because my mind is so busy running through the events that happened in
the past. Even sometimes when I manage to fall asleep, I wake up more
frequently. This all is due to my restless mind and my broken heart. Maybe I
haven’t accepted the truth yet. Maybe I’m still stuck in the past, in his
thoughts, and his memories.
Little does my mind know that remembering those
vibrant memories will likely inflict more pain and aggravate my situation
further. And needless to say, he has started living in my mind persistently,
even more than he used to when we were together. I used to tell him, “My
happiness lies in your happiness.” He is now happy even without me then why do
I have to face sleepless nights? Why do his thoughts keep me awake at night? I’ll
tell you why I had to.
·
They
say you realize the value of something when it is lost. But I had always valued
him. And maybe that’s why I lost my sleep. I valued him beyond everything and
when I wasn’t reciprocated, I lost my sleep.
·
I
lost my sleep because I couldn’t get over the thought that he can even be
happier without me.
·
His
smile used to radiate happiness in my life. Thinking about the thought that
it’s reflecting upon someone else’s life has made me lose my sleep.
·
I
have lost my sleep because somewhere in the corner of my heart I knew that he
will come back to me, but that desire for us to be back together is still
unfulfilled.
You might consider me a lunatic but I
guess I am happy this way, lost in my unfathomable thoughts, lost in the memory of that last tranquil
night when I was in his arms lost in our world together. I am now used to of
these sleepless nights where I am awake with his thoughts subconsciously
protracting in my mind. While I am writing this, I can feel that same pain
running through me. Memories are sneaking out of my eyes and rolling down my
cheeks. Something which was endured within my heart for so long has suddenly
busted out. I finally got the answer to my question. His memories are the one
which makes me awake at night. Maybe I will have these sleepless nights
forever.
