Knowing and analyzing our insecurities
Have you ever felt like
you just don’t belong anywhere? Whenever you enter into the classroom and you
just feel that people might laugh at you or talk behind your back whenever you
exit your classroom, right?
Have you ever been
anxious around strangers and even friends because you think that you are boring? Have you ever been ashamed of yourself that you can’t
look into the mirror?
Have you ever felt ugly or worthless when you had invested
a lot in a romantic relationship and all you got in return was your partner
disrespecting you, disrespecting your love, blaming you for everything, coming
back as they please, going back as they please and breaking your heart multiple
times?
It hurts when someone who you trust the most backstabs
you one talks about friendship, relationship or even professional life.
In general, we talk about friendship, the people who
care about others, who are kind to everyone and who are honest at heart might
get hurt very easily because such people end up getting bullied, deceived and
heartbroken.
Such fake friends are only at the time of “their need”
but not when “you are in need”. A sense of abandonment is deeply felt.
If one talks about relationships, people emotionally suffer
a lot. I know it’s very easy for anyone to say that “It’s a just a phase to
make you stronger” or “It wasn’t meant to be” but very difficult for anyone to
go through this excruciating pain!
The words like “positivity” or “letting go” are very
easy to hear but to understand its actual meaning and applying it in our lives
is very difficult.
People who are
your well-wishers would always recommend you to stay positive or move on from
such toxic friendships and relationships.
I really understand that some people might be used to hearing
such words but might not actually listen to it. A person could be irritated,
frustrated and angry even if their well -wishers say those words out of care.
This is because it is difficult for a person suffering
from trauma of any kind of situation whether its friendship, relationship etc
to absorb such words. This is because every individual has different struggles and
each individual endures a lot of pain with varying intensities.
Such people are very emotionally vulnerable. One conversation
which might be a joke to one person, might trigger anxiety in another person. Such
painful incidences in personal and professional might actually make a person
burdened by their insecurities.
I really feel and understand that people who are
burdened by their insecurities due to the external factors often feel
worthless, ugly, underconfident, unloved, anxious, lonely, abandoned, suffocated,
helpless, disappointed and depressed.
In professional life as well, people often feel
underconfident and incompetent. They are often stressed out with their workload
and do not feel happy from inside.
Often due to such overwhelming incidences and
feelings, one also thinks on giving up on themselves! They stop to live, only
exist and feel empty all the time.
You matter!
The important things which I wanted to say to all the
people who have truly loved from the core of their heart, to those who invested
400% in their friendship and those people who gave their best in producing high
quality work, no problem of yours and no feeling of yours is small and invaluable!
Everything that you feel matters! Most importantly, you matter!
Surviving each day with such overwhelming feelings is
really hard and brave work to do. You might not realize it but to get up from
bed when you are severely depressed requires a lot of bravery!
Don’t give up on yourself! You might not realize it but
you might be source of someone’s happiness, you might be very important to
someone and there might be some people who would cry if you harm yourself. You
just need to take your time, open your eyes and heart to see it!
I am not asking you to stay positive or I won’t say “Everything
will be fine”. As your virtual crying shoulder, I would suggest you to let all
your feelings and frustrations out, to fill as much pages of your diary as you
want, to reach out to an understanding councilor if you don’t feel comfortable
to talk to your family.
Tips for tackling your insecurities
I would just ask you to try to see your situation with
a new perspective and at the same time remembering some very important things:
you ever feel such overwhelming feelings and you feel that you are ugly, worthless
or good for nothing by anyone, try to analyze their face. Once you do that, you’ll realize that
whatever any harsh words someone says to you is actually them showing and imposing
their insecurities on you.
Insecurities arise only when you feel someone
is superior than you and such people do not acknowledge the fact but trust me
deep down, they know everything.
people who out of their insecurities say harsh words to you, it means that they
are seeking their validation of them being superior from you, so in any sense
they themselves prove that you are much superior!
friendships, even after giving your friends chances and confronting them, they
hurt you, take advantage of you or bully you, leave them.
The simplest way is to ignore them. But if you
are bold by nature then directly say what you actually want to say without any
hesitation and simply leave without turning back.
If you are friends with
popular group, then also see it from a perspective that people would eventually
forget and won’t remember such groups. Generally, as we would grow older such
things won’t matter to anyone.
So, it is always better
to be with yourself rather than having such toxic friends. Trust me you would be
much happy and free and one day when you meet real friends, never let them go!
3. In
relationships, don’t let anyone not even your partner to hurt you, disrespect
you, emotionally, physically and verbally abuse you.
would be some point where the breakup would still hurt but you will stop
writing emails continuously to your unresponsive partner.
At a point of time, you’ll realize that it is
pointless beating a wall. If anyone really loves you, they will make and effort
to make the impossible to “I am possible”!
If we look at this situation also
with a new perspective, the separation would make you realize your own
feelings, to think about how were you treated, how you treated your partner, to
learn from your mistakes and improving oneself, so that even if fruitful reunion
happens, you will have a clear and stable mind to forgive the past and start a
new beginning.
to improve and introspect yourself, take better care of yourself by chanting
prayers, eating healthy food or even junk food once a week, hanging out with
friends again, picking up a hobby which you had left ages ago or even just
playing any sport like badminton!
Taking a salt water bath
can also remove negativities to a great extent.
But if you strongly feel
that your partner will mistreat you again if you reunite, then with a heavy
heart, taking as much time as you need, follow the above steps with the perspective
that you’ll do them solely for yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel that
you don’t matter or you don’t deserve to exist.
Look at this situation
from the perspective that if your partner who is mistreating you has lots of flaws
in him or her as well. If they would have been perfect, then they would be God
who would have created the whole universe!
Fortunately, they are not gods who
created you, so it is not necessary that whatever they said is the absolute
universal truth right? So, don’t worry, whatever
they say in any way doesn’t define you.
4. Finally,
in professional life as well, if anyone takes advantage of you, think of it as
a learning experience. If you feel insecure that the someone’s personality is
better than you, observe them and make necessary improvements in yourself. It
would not mean losing yourself, it would just mean that you are being a better
version of yourself.
So, if your head
scolds you, you are allowed to feel hurt but don’t let that hurt overpower you.
Think of this situation as a learning lesson for your personal and professional
growth. Don’t be disheartened by your failures as your failures and mistakes will
only be stepping stones for your success.
L Finally,
don’t ever give up! You can do everything and your existence is important!
